"POZ"itively Blessed

Today I celebrate 4years of being HIV positive. Why do I say celebrate??  Simple, because I could be dead.
I must say I have learned more in the past 3 maybe 4 months then I have in the past years living with this virus.
 Yes I have made some mistakes along the way. And those "mistakes" will follow me , If I let them. That tends to happen when your in denial, depression, and shame. But I will not let that define who I am, who I have become today. I am no longer in that place.
When I went "live" about my status, my whole world changed for the better believe it or not. I know that's not possible for everyone but it was what I needed to do to get where I am today. No one will ever be able to hold that " secret" over my head, and I am not fearful of  that anymore. And believe me that is a great feeling; and I will never let anyone take that away from me.

What I have learned , I will take with me for the rest of my life.
Looking in my mirror has become so much easier. Loving myself and knowing my self worth. Being honest with myself and other as well. Depending completely on God, knowing and believing that He would NOT bring me this far to leave me. Studying His word and applying it to my daily life.
 These things have made me whole and stronger. They have strenghten me to reach out to other women and our youth; to let them know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, your life is not over.
It also inspires me to write and share my work with ya'll; something I would/was not doing in years past. And also start a new journey as a HIV/AIDS Youth Activist and try my cards at speaking.

So I'm saying all that to say this. Yes, its very hard living with HIV but when you surround yourself with people that love you and truly want the best for you. People that will hold you accountable, that will pray "with" you as well as "for" you. And most importantly put God 1st in everything you do, you can't go wrong, You will find happiness.
It took almost 4years for me but I'm finally there. Thank you Jesus

* thanks to everybody that stands by me and support me, I love yall*

A Friends Perspective

It was one of those weeks. Those who know me know I am not your typical person. I always have something brewing and irons in the fire. Don't misunderstand me, I'm no drama queen ........just that I have lot's going on. Flash back.....August 2008, I needed to catch up with my bestie who had been missing in action for over a week or so. The last time we talked was responding to a text message from her needing some Mucinex and to bring her a couple by her job  (she was complaining she wasn't feeling well.) Upon my arrival to drop them off I took one look at her and said "You look horrible"  I stated to her...She responded.."It's good to see you to Ree" her nickname for me which she can get away with calling me that. A week flew by and no word from her and not taking my calls were getting quite annoying so I decided to call her job. Her secretary answered and informed me she was in hospital. THE HOSPITAL???? for what? Call her, was all  her secretary would disclose. Pissed, angry and concerned because I had to find out from my bestie secretary that she was in hospital did not set well with me. I dialed the number I was given and asked for Trista Joyner (in my white girl voice). I was immediately dispatched and quite relieved when I heard her voice. Another fact about me as your friend although I worked in a hospital, at the time I hate them. Keeping the conversation lively and upbeat I told her I was on my way to kick her ass. Quietly I heard the words from my bestie that would change her life forever and the moment  I will never forget. Laughing off my comment she slowly said..... I'm really sick Ree... Really sick..She could not say the words...it was as though we had a "silent translator decoder" on the phone to transcribe for us. How bad?.. silence... blood transfusion....silence....t-cell count...silence.... I'm scared....silence.... got tested along time ago but never checked my status..silence....tears.... and then more silence

Finding out that a friend or someone you know has HIV might be really hard news to hear. Lots of people don’t know how to react when they find out someone close to them is living with HIV. What’s important to remember is that they’re the same person you’ve always known. They may need more support from you, or maybe a different kind of support. While you might not be able to meet all of their needs, you can be their friend! The best way to know what someone needs is to ask them. Telling me that she has HIV took a lot of courage, and it’s great that she trusted me enough to share something so personal. I have walked this walk with her the full 3 years and we are approaching 4 as her close friend. It has not been an easy walk. And I am first to admit I had some fears and broke some cardinal rules of friendship along the journey by sharing her status because get this.... I did not want a guy I was trying to get to know to date her when HE approached me to ask for her phone number. Jealously, rejected  and insecure made me retort out of anger. "It's a small world phrase": is no joke... what I thought I was doing in the dark behind her back came out and believe me when you do things out of spite it will come back and kick you in your ass. Yes she found out and although I had relocated to another state I received a text message from her that read " I ran in Bob Smith*" Again she did not have to say more. The "silence translator" transcribed this message without her having to say "I cannot believe you disclosed me " I later found out, she was so hurt and did a quick exit from the party she was attending.  Yea by now you have figured it out..... that was me she shared in a blog about "Disclosing my Status" therefore setting her off never wanting to open up to anyone else.  Deep Sigh.....today I leave you hanging but with this thought. When Trista approached me about sharing my perspective from a  friend of a friend with HIV we knew we were going to be charting on unfamiliar territory. But guess what???  Ignorance and prejudice are fueling the spread of a preventable disease. Do you have a friend with HIV that could use a phone call from you today. I dare you? Call them..Tell them they are not alone and mean it!!!! Some small things can make a big difference: In my next blog I will share with you on how Karma had its sweet revenge on me. Until then.....know this....its always easy to make a buck, but its a lot tougher to make a difference. 


Seretha Nobbin

*Bob Smith is not the "real name" referenced in this blog. The name has been changed to protect the identity.

Who's Listening

 This was about a year or so ago, I was having a phone convocation(texting) with a associate.. I had disclosed my status to them via text. Just to see if they could handle it, and to see how I felt about disclosing my status. Well during our convocation I was asked,
"Do you talk about your HIV all the time"
It kinda thur me off  because when I thought about it, no... I really didn't talk about it and when I did it was with a select few. And not so often because I didn't want to bother anybody with my problems. (Now this convocation added to the delay of  me disclosing for about another year)
 But I started wondering, Did I offend him?? Did I make him feel uncomfortable with my statement?? Or is it something people are STILL not ready to talk about or they just don't want to talk about??
I was never really vocal about my status or about HIV. And if I did talk about it, it was with a select few close friends or family.  I was a silent supporter, if that's possible.

But looking at the transformation my life has taken over the past 7+ months. Looking back at where I was, shame and denial; and to see where I am now. Acceptance, love and forgiveness.
My answer is YES, yes I will talk about HIV all the time, I will talk about HIV as long as I have breath in my body. And from what it looks like we need a lot more people talking about it and educating people on prevention. Because the numbers of  newly diagnosed people keep rising.
So I will do my best to educate people so NO one will have to live like I did for almost 4 years of my life, in shame, depression and guilt.
But my question is, Who's listening?