I've heard a lot of people say" I'm not my HIV, HIV is not who I am" But I beg to differ.
My HIV has made me a better person. My HIV has shown me my true friends. My HIV has blessed me beyond measures( we will get into that at a later date) My HIV saved my soul. My HIV made me depend and lean on the only MAN that will not forsake me or leave me no matter what.
My HIV has shown me a whole different me.
I was never willing to give 100% of me, never willing to love fully. Never willing to trust a man. I played the "game" right along with you. But in my 1st year of being diagnosed, I noticed a whole different me. I became more observant of my own feelings, more caring, more loving and more sensitive. More willing to open myself up and love. Not realizing sometime hurt and pain comes along with that. And pain is all too real, its like I noticed pain even more. This was all new to me. And I was like, what the hell is going on with me?? This ain't me and this ain't cool. It took me going to a few Groups to finally realize and hear the teacher say, " Sex is different now, when you do it, it's more meaningful now that your positive" Well, I didn't think I had this trait in me. I grew up with 2 brother and their friends and 4 uncles, I was the only girl I saw a lot about how men treated woman. And remembering all these things I saw, I tried to always have the upper hand on a man. I didn't care to much about their feelings. But that first time I got hurt....smh, it was all to real for me. I cried, and got mad because I cried, I put my hands on him, I cussed him, I did the Angela Basset on him( just thru out his clothes, no fires) But if you know me, you know that's not my character, I've never been that type of woman. But these were all new feelings to me. And I didn't know how to handle them.
And now that I've outed myself, I've never been threatened before either, not to my face anyway until a few days ago day. But all I can say on that is I know how to shoot too, I know how to shoot a 9, I know how to shoot a pump and I know how to shoot the WORD of GOD and that what I'm choosing to use. Because HE will always win.
I'm anointed in the blood, I Cant Be Broken.
I'm Still Standing.